Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
