the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
