You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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