I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
