my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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