***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
