Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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