Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
