Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
