I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
