made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
home. puking in laundry basket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
