I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
