My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
