wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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