when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
