Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
