hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
