i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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