By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
