You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
