Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
