omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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