Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
