he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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