just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
