So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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