We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
