is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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