I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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