Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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