Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
