Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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