haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
