I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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