so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
