You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
