she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
