what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
