i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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