we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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