put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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