this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
