I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
