Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
