Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
