Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
