no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize