are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
