I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
