I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
