Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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