You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
