Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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