I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The adults are the big ones right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
