The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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