I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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