oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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