DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
