so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
