I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
