three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
