i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize