he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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