Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize