Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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