I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
