i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize