Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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