Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
