You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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