its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
