My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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