this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
