Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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